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The Truth According to Buddha

Written by Terry Howard

"Hey, Jimmy Dick." Bubba sidled up to the bar and waited for Jimmy to order him a beer. It was Thursday and Bubba was broke. "You hear about the horrible way the school treated preacher Wiley's kid?"

"No. What happened?"

"He was up there giving his Indian arrow presentation and they flat kicked him out in street 'cause he said he believed in science."

"Bubba?" Jimmy said, waving two fingers at the bartender, "You'll believe anything, won't you?"

"Whata' ya mean, Jimmy?"

"You heard Will's side of the tale and swallowed it whole. You didn't bother to find out the other side or to even think that there might be one. I bet ya' this is just another huha Wiley's brat is stirring up."

"Well hell, Jimmy. How am I supposed to know what the truth is?"

"Bubba, let me tell you story. I had a dream I had last night. In my dream I heard a voice—

"'Docket number 659,656 being an alleged violation of the protocol compact limiting direct intervention in the affairs of the worlds of men by gods.'

"'Now comes Tyr speaking for the complainant Odin and all others, before the supreme council of all the gods.'"

"Hey, Jimmy? I know who Odin is. He's Thor's sidekick in Super Hero's, but who's Tire?"

"Other way around, Bubba. Thor is Odin's sidekick. Tyr is a god just like Thor, another sidekick of Odin's. Thor was famous for his hammer, Tyr was famous for always telling the truth. He got his hand bitten off by a wolf while he was saving the world."

"You sure about that, Jimmy?"

"Yeah, I'm sure about that. Now can I tell the story?"

"Sure, Jimmy."

"'Well,' Tyr said, 'Most gracious judge, for nearly two thousand years, ever since the Roman Christians brought the Semitic god, Jehovah—'"

"Roman Christians? You mean Catholics, Jimmy?"

Jimmy sighed. "Yeah, Bubba. I mean Catholics. Now can I tell the story?"

"Oh, sure, Jimmy. Sorry."

"'Ever since the Roman Christians brought the Semitic god Jehovah into the lands of the Germans—'"

"Semitic? You mean like in anti-Jewish?"

"Bubba, have I ever told you you're dumber than a box of rocks?" a frustrated Jimmy Dick asked.

"Yeah. But does that mean Semitic means anti-Jewish or not?"

"Huuuuuh. Semitic mostly means Jewish. It doesn't mean anti-Jewish unless you say anti-Semitic. You got that?"

"Sure, Jimmy. I was just wondering."

"Now can I tell you this story or not?"

"I'm listening."

"'Ever since the Roman Christians brought the Semitic god, Jehovah, into the lands of the Germans, we have bided our time without having further disturbed this council once you ruled that the saints were not gods nor were they avatars and therefore what they did in the world could not be considered a violation of the compact of non-interference. We have watched their direct intervention in the world of men, an absolute violation of the compact if it were done by a god, and—save for the complaint that the saints were being prayed to as gods and not just petitioned as venerable ancestors, a claim supported by the accusation of the reformed Christian priests against the Roman Christians—we have said nothing.'"

Ken put two cold bottles down in front of them. Jimmy grabbed them both.

"Hey, I thought you were gonna buy me a beer," Bubba said.

"I thought you were going to listen to a story?"

Bubba started to say something and stopped. He got the message. Jimmy slid the bottle over to his captive audience and continued the tale.

"'We have wept at the abuses fostered on our peoples at the hands of their priests. And though we have often contemplated doing so, we have not bothered this council with that complaint. Nay, we have said nothing.'

"'We have watched in silence while they have destroyed our holy places on every high hill, their believers being stronger than ours, because they had the aid and succor of the saints. And we have said nothing.'

"'We have said nothing while the mother of their god has appeared to every shepherd girl in Europe making and fulfilling promises that are a direct violation of the compact. But we ...